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Failing to create her own bio, Jay instead decided to have this kid, Ben, write it for her. Here's the result.

Since the beginning of time, the cogs of evolution have spun and churned their mighty way through history, scattering in their jagged teeth the mighty dinosaur, the rugged Sabertooth cat, the wooly wooly mammoth, even the mighty coelacanth (Till it was discovered off the shores of Madagascar). But now, these selfsame cogs have screeched to a mighty halt, for the purpose of their turning has become a reality. Rising Aphrodite-like from the shimmering seashell that is Fairfield, a modern day Helen, set to launch a thousand ski dos, is the entity known solely is Jennifer Robin Leslie. Forged from the very forge of Hephastus, she comes among men, and women, to bestow the wisdom of Gods and the female counterparts of Gods. Goddesses that is. She walks through the halls, and annals, of Fairfield High School on a near-daily basis, and among the multitudinous organizations she governs are the Fairfield Focus, the Chemistry Club, and AP American Studies. Skilled in the deadly art of Photoshop and html, she deals harsh justice to communistic zombie ninjas, while she sleeps at the same time with sexy leaders of Latin American Communism. Namely Che Guevara and Fidel Castro. Possessing a deadly wit, and long hair too, she does stuff, like the strong social rhetoric of such resounding programs like the anti-princess project, and the heifer project, proclaiming the rights of all bovine citizens throughout the land. Its repercussions echo to this day, as empires have crumbled and flourished under its tutelage. The Tomlinson Tattler was another stopping point on the way to glory of this pinnacle of evolution, and its still glows in excellence long after this paragon of the human race has passed from his hallowed halls. The Public Library has also risen to its greatest glory of all time with the impetus of this same Jennifer Robin Leslie at its helm. Not to mention, she’s just plain cool. Giant zucchinis tremble in her shadow, and flying toasters exist solely to serve her. Well versed in classical, renaissance (pronounced ren-ay-saunce), eastern and reformation literature, art and ideas, she is the ideal person to lead this great website into its greatest venture since its inception. The venture into the unknown, where no man has gone before, the shadows of the deep and the dark, where the one ring exists to cal them all, find them, and in the darkness, BIND THEM!!!! Where the beat poets prance, where the chords play, where the meaning of the life the universe and everything, where the purpose of mankind is revealed, and where we learn of the true nature of the cat and the cradle, from the depths of joy and despair, from the depths of Pandora’s box, from there does this being originate. Cower mortals, before she who can not be named--- VOLDEMORT! Er… Jennifer Robin Leslie, the pinnacle, of human Evolution.