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January 24, 2006

Why I can't take this anymore and need to go on a retreat from the world.

I am inhaling chocolate chips (one of the few vegan sources of chocolate in this city) and I just struggle, frustrated, to do some work. I've already done my screaming and guttural noises while no one else is in the house and I do not want to put these feelings upon someone else; as much as it is for their sake, it is primarily for mine--i cannot cope with expressing these person to person right now, instead of being frustrated, i feel as though i will just come off as depressed and miserable (depressed has a grain of truth to it, but it is not my primary feeling).

i am just downright angry with the world. how fucking typical. i am just so tired of the bullshit of this world and just want to get down to business, pure and simple. and yet this business that i am so desperately trying to achieve is depressing in and of itself--being a feminist should carry the subtitle of, 'i love to hate my life,' and this is now being reinforced by a text i was beginning to read for my feminist ideas and praxis class, called "It's just about being fair: Activism and the politics of volunteering in the breast cancer movement" by Amy Blackstone (U of Maine).

Some days I wish I could've been born in the 40's, so that I could've been an active player in the 60's. Perhaps then I would've been able to produce a substantial and much more lasting effect on the world in a climate that was ready to embrace radical change, instead of constantly beating my head against a wall with a lot of fucking Suzy Q. wishy-washies.

Where is it going to end? When does the revolution come? And I'm not asking for guns and bombs and death and violence, I'm just asking for some god damned opened minds!! I am getting more and more mad and frustrated as I continue to write this. When will people create an environment that will create people that will change the world?

Here are your guidelines, if you choose to accept this mission:
-Accept your responsibility to humanity. You were raised by this society and therefore it is your obligation to give back and improve it. Don't be an existentialist douche bag.
-Accept your role as an activist and a feminist and all the other good '-ist's out there.
-Accept your individual self in the greater scheme of things and support group movement--things will not get better for the individual unless the group succeeds at establishing laws, more groups, social ideologies and so forth.
-Recognize that if you are reading this right now, you exist within the top 5% (if not top 1%) of the world's richest people--you are so financially secure in ways that you do not even comprehend, that you have absolutely nothing to lose, but the group, the world, has everything to gain.
-The larger scale beliefs that you hold are applicable to your life as well. You cannot be a political feminist if you are not a personal feminist.

In the words of two great men (because all the great women have been silenced):
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” - Gandhi
-You are not allowed to be an exception to personal-->global responsibility and hypocrisy is not an excuse, it is a fault.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” - FDR
-You have nothing to lose, but we have everything to gain.

Posted by jay at January 24, 2006 8:39 PM