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November 23, 2005
Eddie Izzard on creation:
Eddie Izzard on creation:
The beginning of the world, the Old Testament. That’s where stuff began, in the Christian version of things…
So God… God created the world in seven days! A foolish brag, I feel. If I was God, I’d say, “I’m gonna create the world over a number of days;” not sure how long, might be a bit pressed, you know? Too much pressure, seven days dead! I’d just do it like Microsoft:
“It’s gonna be done by Saturday… Tuesday… next week… about a month… We’re gonna bring it out when we’re fuckin’ ready, right?” I think God was actually in bed, and his Mum said, “Get out of bed, will you, God? You’ll miss the best part of the day!” …
“No, I won’t get out of bed, Mother, because I haven’t yet created the best part of the day. Can’t get me on that one! Boxed that one easy.”
“Oh, you, young scallywag! I’ll box you a bit later…”
So then God created the world, and the first day he created light, and air, and fish, and jam, and soup, and potatoes, and haircuts, and arguments, and small things, and rabbits, and people with noses, and jam – more jam, perhaps, and soot, and flies, and tobogganing, and showers, and toasters, and Grandmothers, and… Belgium.
The second day, He created fire, and water, and eggnog, and radiators, and lights, and Burma, and… and things that go “uuuhh,” and Colonel Khadaffi, and… Arthur Negus.
I think the third day, He probably got lists – “I can’t remember what I’ve invented, now. I’ve just been ad-libbing so far...” And so everything sort of builds up through the days, and you know, if you have a deadline, you know how it works; everything builds right up to the end. I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs. Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”
The next week, I think, people are coming back, going, “Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.”
“I’m terribly sorry, I’ll… put some more jam here, and… a mountain of cabbages, and a radiator.”
“Thank you, it’s just what we wanted.”
Posted by jay at 1:21 AM
November 22, 2005
New Orleans
Oh god, I love New Orleans. I am seriously considering going to the bank tomorrow and asking if there's some sort of leedle home owner's fund that I can start stockpiling into now so that when I am a leedle older, I can own a house in New Orleans. I loveeeeee this city. I hope I feel this way about this city until I die!
Posted by jay at 1:30 AM
November 13, 2005
Adopt-a-Turkey
Farm Sanctuary is a really cool group that I originally heard of from my friend at work, Stephie (she's the one who is in charge of the vegan cafe at Wesleyan, Keith!!). This is just their Adopt-a-Turkey project.
Posted by jay at 12:03 PM
November 7, 2005
March on Gretna
Today I walked across the Crescent City Connection, the notorious bridge that the people staying at the Convention Center were refused passage on when trying to evacuate after Hurricane Katrina, in protest of the Gretna Police's refusal of entry into their city by way of intimidation with guns and dogs, so as to preserve the properties of Gretna citizens, their decisions very much upon the race of the people crossing the bridge, and not on the fact that they were desperately seeking food, shelter and clothing, all of which they had been going without for at least four days. It was really incredible; I went with Michael Quintana and it was just good good good. I was interviewed by an AP reporter (I feel more and more like I sounded pretty idiotic, but who knows). And as though today wasn't feel-good enough, I SAT NEXT TO KIM GANDY, PRESIDENT OF NOW ON THE RIDE BACK AND SHE GAVE ME HER BUSINESS CARD. OMFG.
And it's only 4:12 pm. The end. :)
Posted by jay at 4:07 PM
November 2, 2005
Briefly, because it is a new day.
Being back in New Orleans is an experience. I am very lonely, but finally back in the place that I want to be--there isn't the feeling of a being a stranger in a strange town. It is nice. I am home, and I feel like I should elaborate, but it seems a bit silly.
Posted by jay at 10:48 AM